Since the beginning of civilization, man has been concerned with the im- provement of life and comfort. He has made his codes and monitored his actions upon this concern and principle. It is with this point in mind that an argument against the tenor saxophone is respectfully submitted. The tenor saxophone has done more harm than anything else in the last 100 years. It has ruined homes, taken lives and made numerous other atrocities on the human populus. It has only one documented case of good, and that one is rather hedgy. THE TENOR SAXOPHONE MUST BE OUTLAWED. Case in point #1: IN 1917, the Anderson residence in Edison, Northwest Yukon Territory, Canada, was split in two in a dispute between the husband and wife disagreeing on what brand of detergent should be used in cleaning their newly acquired tenor saxophone. This fight resulted in their divorce six years later. A similar dispute twenty years later, (Fitzhugh vs. Fitzhugh, circa. 1937) in Maine, Deposit Port, A.S.U., resulted in the placement of the two children of Amy and Edvard Nane in an orphanage while the parents ate oysters at Luigi's Pizzaria down the street. Court Case 69.73 in Omaha, Georgia cites: "Robert Tane has been convicted of murder by a deadly tenor saxophone in a closed laundromat." Court Case 5-7/8 in Nagala, South Congo cites: "Oruja nawo irjuli koop" which translates Thomas Arpit died yesterday after tripping on a tenor saxophone and falling in the way of a siamese cat that trampled him to death. The tenor saxophone and the siamese cat are currently under custody." The tenor sax was convicted and crushed two days later. Numerous other cases are documented that are too extensive to cover at this time. The one documented case of good done by a tenor saxophone was done in the dressing room of actress Alexandria Dolon in 1973, when Miss Dolon used the tenor saxophone as a mirror to fix her hair moments before a gala party she was throwing. This case, however, can be considered negligible because it is known that if Miss Dolon had any true intelligence, she would have used the flute next to her bed instead. And so, the case of the tenor saxophone is presented and reviewed. And the lords of time and chaos (and Wimbledon) proclaim: "Let the tenor saxo- phone go home."





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